It’s not straightforward. It’s never easy. And nothing can actually help you forget the circumstance. But there are a few little tricks that might somehow soothe you or cause you to find a little extra strength and there are various other things you ought to attempt to avoid in order to not feel even worse.
Let me try and summarize a few tips for you. Bear in mind, this isn’t about your ill loved ones now, but about you…
Think two or three positive ideas or remember two happy or better yet, humorous memories and keep them prepared to tell your loved one if the second arises. You have to think of these when you are lonely because life will get busy or overwhelming when near a sick person. Grab the opportunities to give them little gifts of happiness through the day. Have some stories, anecdotes or memories prepared at all times. Be ready to induce a change of subject from the conversation when you believe you and the patient are going in circles around the same old themes.
Whenever you’re with your loved ones, focus all your attention on them and try to not consider your pain. It can never fit theirs. And don’t let mental digressions divert you from your real chore that’s keeping yourself strong enough to help the person you love. It’s easy to ask oneself “why us, why me?” It’s in fact an unavoidable question. But it’s a question with no answer and searching for one obsessively will not solve the issue and will deduct from your energy reserves. When that question (or similar ones) pop into your head, look at it squarely for a few moments and then let your ideas let it leave you alone. Turn your focus to more profitable endeavors. Don’t sit around letting questions attack you. Don’t stay in bed if you’re awake doing nothing; grab a book or get up to bake some cookies. Anything is better than letting destructive or depressive thoughts and tortuous questions engulf you. One of my favorites is writing something for my loved ones when my mind does not appear to find any peace. The mere act of sitting at the computer or holding the pen in my hand helps me focus and fight negative ideas. Reading soothes my mind so much! It helps me run away from my reality for a little while, and it has been shown to be a great way to decrease stress. But whatever you read must be of interest to you. Don’t try to take any book laying around on your home. Choose something that has meaning and you really need to know about.
Meet up with friends who can support you too. Find minutes to vent your anger and sadness away from your ill loved one but encouraged by friends or others who care for you. Let’s share your pain and comfort you, also. Do not play hero all day long; it is exhausting and you need to save your energy up.
If not with friends, try to vent your anger and distress by running, exercising, walking or practicing any game you like or participating in any manual action of your choice. Doing something physical helps the mind focus. It is OK to feel angry and frustrated, it’s only natural. And crying is also excellent. But no matter what you do, don’t allow the anger and frustration accumulate inside you. Those two are very destructive forces which will only result in more sadness. Feel them, confront them and understand that what you’re feeling is a natural response. Then vent away any unacceptable or excessive accumulations by doing something physical.
Strategy little actions for each day. Some of them you may undertake, others will remain just planned. Have things to do at all times: rent a movie, order a publication, organize a little reunion with friends over drinks, decide what to cook for dinner… even if your times look completely full and overfilled, still plan ahead. A few of those plans you can design together with your loved one: talk about the details, talk about the choices… as you would do under any other conditions.
There’ll be times when your mind and your spirit will ask for peace and quiet, for silence and inactivity. Take a Rest. Give yourself some moments alone and don’t feel guilty for taking them. Let your thoughts and raw feelings rest somewhat. But make sure those times do not turn into self-punishment. If you believe your mind is starting to go in circles round unanswerable questions , put a stop to it. 1 thing is enjoying a quiet moment; something else is letting depression catch up with you.
And lastly, let your loved one know that you are there, that you are the same old you and that you are together in this. Sometimes, when the pain is big, we withdraw from our nearest and dearest because it’s too much to bear. Sail the ride together. It is OK to show them that you are sad or even angry, as long as you could also show them that you are hopeful and that you still cherish these moments together. A happy moment treasured now is worth more than many, less meaningful others shared before.
Life is sometimes unbearably hard, you are right. And we should never pretend it’s not. However, it’s our task to search for the small, good things around us to help those who are sick. Use these little tips that will assist you go through your dark times.
Love life, yes, even under these terrible circumstances, enjoy the great moments in life,